Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
