Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
