Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We're too hungover to prance.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
