I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
