i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
