its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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