Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
