Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
