Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
