Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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