I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
