new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize