You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
