i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
