everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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