sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
