We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize