it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
