i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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