There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
