I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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