I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Quick, to the slutcave!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
