i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
