I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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