yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
