To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
