my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
