is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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