dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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