My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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