I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
