The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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