New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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