ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
