i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
