Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
