lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize