the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
