I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
