Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize