yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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