how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
