Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize