worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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