i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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