Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
