the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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