You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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