I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
