omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I could fuck to npr.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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