id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
