When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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