i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
