i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
