Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
