first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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