I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
