i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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