How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh god the rape fog is back!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
