I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
