Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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