I'm really into asian looking animals
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
