you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
